Signs of Controlling
and Abusive Behavior

Recognizing the Red Flags

Jealousy
Jealousy is not a healthy part of love but a need to control. It can manifest as constant suspicion and unfounded accusations.

Controlling Behaviors
Controlling behaviors often start as concern, such as "I need to know where you are all the time because I care so much," and escalate to control for the sake of control.

Quick Involvement
Abusers often push for quick involvement, seeking to get serious quickly with sudden commitments and declarations of love.

Unrealistic Expectations
Expecting a partner to meet all their needs, not just companionship, and setting unrealistic standards that the partner can never fulfill.

Isolation
Cutting off access and contact with outside support and resources, especially other influences like friends and family.

Blaming Others
Abusers often blame others for their problems and abusive behaviors. They claim their achievements or positive changes are blocked by others.

Feelings Blamed on Others
Statements like "You made me so angry I couldn’t help it" are used to justify abusive behavior.

Inability to Handle Frustration
Abusers may blow up at small obstacles and throw tantrums over challenges, showing an inability to handle frustration.

Cruelty and Destruction
Cruel treatment of pets or other people and destruction of personal property are common signs. Abusers often excuse this behavior.

Belittling Others
Putting people down whenever they disagree or challenge the abuser. This behavior systematically undermines and seeks to destroy the self-esteem of the partner.

Forced Sex
Abusers may force sex playfully or present it as the best style, often resulting in pain and always maintaining control over the partner's responses.

Rigid Gender Roles and Stereotypes
Expecting women to fulfill specific roles like working, parenting, and serving rigidly defined; submission is expected and required.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
Explosive behavior or severe moodiness alternating with sweetness and gentle care, creating a confusing and unpredictable environment.

Abusive Behavior in the Past
A history of abusive behaviour in any relationship, especially with intimate partners or siblings.

Threats of Violence
Using threats of violence to get their way or reinforce a point, including threats to the partner, children, family, or friends.

Physical Force in Arguments
A tendency to get physical during verbal arguments, using physical force to intimidate or control the partner.