Jealousy – Not a healthy part of love, but a need to control.
Controlling Behaviors – Starts as concern; “I need to know where you are all the time because I care so much”-- and grows to control for the sake of control.
Quick Involvement – The need to get really serious really quickly with sudden commitments.
Unrealistic Expectations – Expecting partner to meet all his needs, not just companionship.
Isolation – Cut off access and contact with outside support and resources, especially other influences.
Blaming Others – Problems and abusive behaviors are always someone else’s fault. Achievement or change for the better is blocked by others.
Feelings Blamed on Others - “You made me so angry I couldn’t help it.”
Inability to Handle Frustration – Blows up at small obstacles, tantrums over challenges.
Cruelty and Destruction – Cruel responses and treatment of pets or other people. Breaking personal property and excusing it.
Belittling Others – Putting people down whenever they disagree or challenge. Systematically undermines/seeks to destroy self-esteem of partner.
Forced Sex – Presented playfully or as the best style; may be painful but always in control of action and responses.
Rigid Gender Roles and Stereotypes – Women expected to do this as women; work, parent, service roles rigidly defined; submission expected and required.
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde – Explosive behavior or severe moodiness alternating with sweetness and gentle care.
Abusive Behavior in the past – Of or by any relationship but especially intimate partners or siblings.
Threats of Violence - Used to get own way or reinforce a point. May threaten partner with personal harm or harm to children, family, friends, etc.
Physical Force in Arguments – Tendency to get physical in a verbal situation.
Controlling Behaviors – Starts as concern; “I need to know where you are all the time because I care so much”-- and grows to control for the sake of control.
Quick Involvement – The need to get really serious really quickly with sudden commitments.
Unrealistic Expectations – Expecting partner to meet all his needs, not just companionship.
Isolation – Cut off access and contact with outside support and resources, especially other influences.
Blaming Others – Problems and abusive behaviors are always someone else’s fault. Achievement or change for the better is blocked by others.
Feelings Blamed on Others - “You made me so angry I couldn’t help it.”
Inability to Handle Frustration – Blows up at small obstacles, tantrums over challenges.
Cruelty and Destruction – Cruel responses and treatment of pets or other people. Breaking personal property and excusing it.
Belittling Others – Putting people down whenever they disagree or challenge. Systematically undermines/seeks to destroy self-esteem of partner.
Forced Sex – Presented playfully or as the best style; may be painful but always in control of action and responses.
Rigid Gender Roles and Stereotypes – Women expected to do this as women; work, parent, service roles rigidly defined; submission expected and required.
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde – Explosive behavior or severe moodiness alternating with sweetness and gentle care.
Abusive Behavior in the past – Of or by any relationship but especially intimate partners or siblings.
Threats of Violence - Used to get own way or reinforce a point. May threaten partner with personal harm or harm to children, family, friends, etc.
Physical Force in Arguments – Tendency to get physical in a verbal situation.